hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
