Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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