no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
