mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
