shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
