I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
How's work?
Spinning.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
