i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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