I think i peed on brittanys purse
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
