That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
