Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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