He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
