last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
