hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
