She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
