You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
