Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
