My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
