just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
