Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
