i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
