She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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