I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
