She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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