we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
