Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
