For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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