On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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