I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
