the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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