; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i love accidental penises.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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