if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
