I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
