If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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