guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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