Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i want to swaddle you in tequila
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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