I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
