so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
