why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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