She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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