Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
