I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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