dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
