If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
