oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
