I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
