My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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