Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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