No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
