I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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