I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
