"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
