my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
