i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
