Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
