Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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