That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
